06 Oct The Things I Know For Sure
I’ve spent decades intentionally growing my connection with spirit, understanding greater truths and learning how universal laws apply to me and, therefore, those around me. After spending such energy in cultivating this kind of awareness, I can at last share with you some of the things that I know for sure. It’s not an inclusive list, nor is it in any particular order, nor are they particularly earth-shattering, but they were revelational at the time I learned them. I want to share them now in case they resonate with you.
1. When I have an emotional charge to something or someone, it is an indicator that I haven’t learned what I need to know yet. If something has the power to create a charge in you (a sting, a zing or a “ping”), it is something you need to look at, learn about and resolve. There is a truth hiding there that you need to bring into your world in some way. Look in your shadows for the biggest growth potential.
For example, if you feel like you are having a bad hair day, and someone says something about your hair, it hurts. But, if you know you are having a good (or at least ok) hair day, and someone comments on your hair, there is no affect for you. So the charge is in knowing that your hair isn’t looking good, and wanting it to be different. When you get your hair looking good, and you know it, it doesn’t matter what someone else says about it.
It’s the same thing when someone says they are a bad test taker and fears taking a professional certification exam – it’s a leftover defense from an old program. When that belief is exposed to be old and not real, it can’t exist anymore.
Conversely, if you provoke a charge in someone else (and they have a significant or over-reaction), you are the one holding the power in that situation. That person needs to learn something from you or that situation.
Bottom line: darkness can’t live in the light. And energy naturally flows from power sources.
2. Failure is impossible, because each and every situation simply shows you that you need to learn something else or you did as a result of the experience. Nothing is a failure – ever.
Failure is another way to say “experiment” or “unexpected results”. It is something that gives you more knowledge / experience / exposure than you had before.
Edison needed 86 times to invent the light bulb – if he had quit at 85, we wouldn’t have light. And he said that “I just learned the 85 versions that won’t work…”.
If Steven Apple hadn’t bombed in college and gone to calligraphy class instead, our computers wouldn’t have cool font choices.
Side note: Most wildly successful self-made millionaires (vs. inherited money) have gone bankrupt an average of seven times. When they finally figure out their formula for success, they make their money and they know how to handle it.
I spent decades trying to understand the underlying economics of business (with varying degrees of personal success) only to discover that it is not a mystery – instead, it’s about passion, perseverance, sense of meaningful purpose and playing along the way.
Our purpose here is to play. We are here to experience ourselves as part of the creator. You cannot fail when you’re playing. Enjoying the play, experimenting with what is and what could be, and using imagination to create innovation is what it’s all about – and that can’t happen without generating some unexpected results along the way.
Bottom line: experiment with everything because failure is impossible.
3. If I wasn’t supposed to be here now (and now, and now), I wouldn’t be. Against the odds, I have somehow made it this far. When I hit speed bumps in life, they are a reminder there is more to learn and that I have to slow down to get it. That’s all.
I am exactly where I need to be right now with the right skills with the right experiences. I am creating my world as I go, and it’s important to get maximum experience from everything I do – it adds up over time.
Bottom line: if you don’t like where you are today, you better do something different today to get a different tomorrow.
4. It is a disservice for me, or anybody else, to do too much for other people. If I take on other people’s “stuff”, it is actually an act of sabotage because I’m not letting them learn. And if they don’t get to learn in the moment, their lesson will come back only bigger and louder to make sure they get it. So it’s on me when people suffer in the future because I’ve handled their stuff when they needed to learn by handing it on their own. (And I’m just needlessly depleted when I take on their stuff.)
Bottom line: everybody’s gets to learn their own way.
5. It’s all about choices. I have the luxury of being able to choose from a plethora of opportunities every day. It can be overwhelming, actually. Every choice gives me a different experience – but that’s all that happens. I can make different choices as I go, but I will always have the benefit of learning from the last choice I made.
A lot goes into making good choices, from inner knowingness to potential consequences to the practicalities of the choice. And I am the only person who can make my choices.
Bottom line: a good choice will get positive results, and a new choice will get new results.
“What we ponder and what we think about sets the course of our life. Any day we wish; we can discipline ourselves to change it all. Any day we wish, we can open the book that will open our mind to new knowledge. Any day we wish, we can start a new activity. Any day we wish, we can start the process of life change. We can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year.
“We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause. As Shakespeare uniquely observed, “The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves.” We created our circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today.”
~ Jim Rohn
6. Having trust in the right outcome saves energy. I have found that, by releasing attachment to what I want, the right thing happens for me. I am in absolute knowingness that it is the totally right thing for me right now in my life, so I don’t worry about what could / might / should (not) happen. (Side note: everything happens for you, not to you.)
By being present, I am doing what I know to do and don’t worry about anybody else. I don’t worry that the right thing won’t happen. I trust the results to be at least the best I could conceive but probably better than I could think up on my own. And I’m my own yardstick for success.
Bottom line: it is vital to release attachment to the outcome by being present and by knowing that what happens is exactly what I need to receive.
7. Time is my greatest currency. Having boundaries around my time is claiming my value confidently with the world. It also reinforces that I am putting my energy intentionally where and with whom I want to invest it.
Making decisions quickly allows for fast action and keeps time moving. Even if I make a decision that gets unexpected results, it’s better than not deciding and being a victim to the circumstance. It’s like driving in traffic – if I take too long in deciding whether to pass, the passing hole closes.
Bottom line: do what I can today in each and every moment with conscious intention; honoring time honors myself.
8. Looking like a duck doesn’t mean that I’m not in my power. If I want to work with other ducks, it’s easier if I look like a duck than if I look like a goose.
I used to think that making my image conform to what others expected me to look like meant that I was selling out, or not staying in my power. Now I’ve figured out there’s less resistance in everything I do if I look like I fit in…besides, I have many bird bodies that change on a daily basis (hummingbird, swan, pelican, emu…).
It’s my energy that’s more important than how it’s packaged, and I’m secure in that, so why NOT look like a duck?
Side note: our bodies don’t lie. Our physical bodies tell us exactly what our beliefs are, like an external mirror. Whatever did not get handled on the energetic plane will be manifested on the physical plane (if it is ‘negative’, it creates dis-ease).
Bottom line: Accept and own my power by looking like a duck.
9. Cleaning from the inside out gives me new possibilities. When I feel my feelings fully, and handle whatever comes up or needs clearing, my external world opens up with all kinds of new opportunities. In being who I am from the inside out, my world becomes cleaner, and the people in it are more authentically my match.
Bottom line: Cleaning from the inside out is the most powerful way to create shift and attract what’s right for me.
10. Believe people when they show who they are to me. I have been blessed with the gift to see people’s innermost essence – the light that lives at the core of their true being. Which is a very wonderful thing, except for when I respond to people at that essence level – they themselves aren’t there yet!
If people are still learning their lessons, and haven’t experienced their own inner light yet, it’s my responsibility to meet them where they are right now. The other piece that I need to own is to not allow myself to be blindsided by their reality just because I happen to be able to see their potential.
Bottom line: accept people for who they are right now.
11. I see / say what I know / need / have experienced. That is, often what I see in other people is what I know for myself, and what I say is a reflection of what I need to know / do / be and / or have resolved. Thinking of my mirrors with this kind of awareness helps me to see the programmed filters that I inherited from other people and, mostly unwittingly, kept in play.
This is also a key technique that I have found effective in working with my clients. When there is a big story about one of their colleagues or family members or whoever / whatever, I pay attention to what they notice about their situation and how they choose to communicate it for clues as to what is up for them in the moment. It’s one of the most powerful tools I use in helping people shift by helping them understand themselves better.
Bottom line: Pay attention to what I see and say.
12. Focus on what I want. It sounds simple but a lot of times it used to be more a mindset of running away from what I DIDN’T want, which only created more of THAT. Early on, I learned that I shouldn’t want what I wanted; as an adult, that meant I often sabotaged my own “havingness” – but I didn’t know why. (I also didn’t believe I was worthy of what I wanted or that I should give what I got to someone else but that’s a digression.)
Now I know if I focus on what I truly want – without attachment to actually receiving it and trusting that it will happen in right timing – I can create more intentionally. It’s a bit like seeing mountains at night – the only way to see them is to look at the sky.
At any rate, being happy makes more happiness, focusing on the abundance in my life brings more. I used to focus on “the money”, and couldn’t figure out how it eluded me – until I figured out that the underlying thought was that I didn’t have it and I was always pursuing it. I finally realized that creating must come from gratitude, having trust and a place of “havingness” so that I could recognize and enjoy whatever I created, rather than focusing on what I didn’t have. Because (here comes the circle) that meant that I was created not having more of what I didn’t have.
Bottom line: focus on my positive.
13. My growth is measured by my discomfort. It’s an oxymoron for one to grow comfortably – the growth process means growing out of where you were to a new place. Just as a root-bound plant shatters it’s container, so it is when people grow. So the degree of discomfort I am experiencing is a barometer of my personal growth. That is, stretching my comfort zone means I am comfortable more of the time.
When I look at the worst, I know I can handle that – the rest is simple.
The other thing to know about growth is that it can’t happen when I limit who I am to keep other people comfortable. In fact, it robs them of a potential growth experience. People / situations / circumstances / expectations / beliefs require me to show up in all my available power and match my capacity to the possibility in each of them.
Bottom line: remember the relationship between discomfort and growth.
14. There’s power in persistence. Over my lifetime, I cannot count how many of my friends and loved ones have told me to give up on doing what I do because it’s too “woo-woo”, doesn’t fit what they know success to be and isn’t mainstream. In high school, I was the class valedictorian, prom queen and people had high hopes that I would do something of note with all my gifts and intelligence. Being a catalyst has not fit whatever they had in mind for me professionally. My response to them is that I can’t NOT do it – I am compelled by some internal drive that is beyond intellectual comprehension. And, I am – at long last! – helping people consistently to transform the world by navigating their hidden inner dynamics through insight.
I found that I just couldn’t give up on what I believe, even if I wasn’t quite sure what that meant through these years. I found that if I felt like giving up that I was within proverbial inches of getting a break. Now I know that something big is around my corner when I start to question my rational sanity. And that I have been living the definition of personal grit.
Bottom line: keep investing and following through with what makes sense for me.
15. Live lightly. When I am in resistance, or have a commitment to struggle or drama or, really, anything, I am stopping the flow of life. By enjoying my life, I am in service to all of humanity. Besides, letting go of my resistance to what ‘is’ allows it to pass more quickly.
Walking heavy (in all ways) takes so much more energy, and leaves a “heavier” imprint on the world which takes energy to balance out after us. The next time you want to practice this, think of whether you’d like a butterfly or an elephant to sit on you, or whether you’d like to listen to the Eagles or Wagner, or whether you’d like to hang out with the happiest person you know or the most depressed. You get the idea.
One of the keys to living lightly is to laugh often and with feeling in your whole body. Who can be heavy after a really good laugh?
Bottom line: have more fun.
16. Know that everybody is doing the best they can. If people knew better, they would do better. And that includes me – if I had known years ago what I know now, I would do it differently. But I wouldn’t be where I am now if that were the case and I know now that’s one of the ways to see how much I have learned along the way.
Anyway, trusting that people are inherently good is a big part of trusting the world in general. Part of my role here as a teacher, guide and mentor is to help people connect with that part of themselves to express it more fully. It’s one of the greatest joys of my work to see people make their own connection(s).
As for me, I do the best that I can every day. If I fall short of my own expectations (which, unfortunately, happens a lot because of my ridiculously high standards!), I own it, love myself for my idiosyncrasies (mostly) and move on (as soon as I can). If I am for the stars and I land on the moon, I’m still in good shape.
Bottom line: Be love as much as possible and have compassion and appreciation for who people are in the moment.
17. Know what I know. Sometimes I receive conflicting information – I know what my insides say but the outside shows me a different picture. It’s generally so much easier to go with what’s obvious, even if it’s not true, until I feel it going against the grain of myself.
Over time, I have learned to keep my own counsel, to be independent and open to receiving what I need to know. Sometimes I don’t need to know, so I don’t get any information… but, usually, I’ll get enough to determine whether the situation / message / person is for me or not. It helps me to solve my own problems, which, amazingly enough, are far less when I listen to my own stuff and not everybody else’s. Think radio station – I’m tuned in to my channel and not all the other channels or the static.
Having that level of clarity is probably my most powerful tool, but it can be the hardest one for me to act from in a real-world way. I figure that just helps me be better able to help the people I work with to know their own inner guidance system.
Bottom line: to quote a classic, to thine own self be true.
18. What’s mine is mine. That is to say, what is mine to own will wait for me to catch up AND nobody else will be able to take it. That goes for both the good and the not-so-good. My greatness is waiting for me to claim it. It can’t be taken from me nor can I expect someone else to clean up after me as I progress toward having it.
Bottom line: nobody else can own my stuff because it’s mine.
19. When I’m not getting what I want, either fear or commitment is in the way. Life is an echo – it returns to you what you put out, but it’s usually amplified. With undesired results, or when you see yourself doing the same thing but can’t figure out why because you’re not getting what you want, it’s because I have an underlying fear about what would happen if I get it and / or I have a commitment to a self-sabotaging belief (which is an illusion, ‘big lie’ or hold-over from someone else’s belief(s)).
I have found that the best way through that is talking it out to ‘catch’ my patterns and see my blindspot in that situation. For example, I’m a giver and tend to over-give to a certain profile of person, even to my own detriment. After years of repeating this behavior, I discovered that a core belief that said that I had to follow through on doing the ‘right’ thing or I would be judged as a bad person. It was the energetic equivalent to giving someone else my ‘grit’ (passion and ability to persevere), of wanting for them something more than they themselves wanted, and of not trusting them to have their own experience in finding their own (fastest-path) solutions. (And who would judge me anyway? Not my inner circle, all of whom watched this pattern play out again and again… the only harsh judge was myself, which is what kept this pattern in play for decades.)
Bottom line: check your fears and commitments to understand your results.
20. It will get worse before it gets better – and that’s a good thing. Why? Because before making a big change, the present has to get really uncomfortable to show the contrast between where I am and where I want to be in absolutely unmistakable, relentless terms. (Or I might lose the incentive to make the change.)
Bottom line: look at where things really suck right now to see where you have the greatest potential for transformation.
21. Enlightenment is not for the faint of heart. For better or worse, I’m a truth seeker. I want to KNOW the truth. I want to LIVE the truth. And if I’m not ready for it, it does not matter – because I have made that commitment.
Now, common conditioning ascribes an ‘oooo – how cool’ quality to enlightenment. That couldn’t be further from the truth. (No pun intended!)
The process of enlightenment strips away your preconceived ideas, your comfort zones, the things you thought you knew, your belief systems, your relationships – it shatters all that does not serve you in your best and highest self so that you can be one with all that ‘is’. Taking even one step on that path means you are committed for the rest of your life because you don’t want anything less anymore.
And yet, it’s rigorous – everything in your outer and, especially, inner world is tested. You are broken down to bits so you can soar with an unparalleled sense of lightness. Which is great and all, but what does that MEAN? The laundry still has to get done, right?
Bottom line: Committing yourself to being enlightened is a one-way trip toward the unknown on the most profound, arduous path you can possibly choose – and it’s totally worth it.
22. There’s no one exactly right and perfect way most of the time. Life is like a computer program – there’s usually at least three ways to do something to get the results you want. Waiting to know every possible thing, or searching for the exact perfect way instead of just doing it, or having expectations that something delegated will get done exactly how I would do it just doesn’t cut it. There are a myriad of ways to do just about anything – some will get the same results, some will get similar results and some will just open completely new pathways.
We are all in the same boat – we are born, and we will someday leave our physical bodies and what we do in the middle is completely up to us as we go.
Bottom line: I’ll figure it out as I go, and trust that the process will get me to my end.
I am in gratitude to both my personal discoveries and to you for sharing them with me. My intention is to honor these lessons to keep them solid for me, and offer them to you to potentially illuminate your own life experiences.
If you have personal life lessons or discoveries you’d like to share, I’d love to hear them. Please post them below!